


Impossible Year

by fr0sted_fox (MoosesnMaple)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: But it can be interpreted that way and I don't want anyone to to be disturbed by it, F/M, M/M, Possible Suicide Mention, Riku is sad and gay, Sokai mentioned, Unrequited Love, but mostly sad, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 14:26:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18263177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoosesnMaple/pseuds/fr0sted_fox
Summary: Post-KH3, Riku is mourning. Honestly just a sad Riku drabble that I wrote because I love him and I project my feelings onto the characters I love.





	Impossible Year

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from Impossible Year by Panic! at the Disco, which I would also recommend you listen to while you read if you're into that kind of thing. Please leave kudos or even a review if you enjoy! I'm just getting back into the swing of writing again and even just seeing that people have read my drabbles makes me so happy! <3

 

                Waves crashed against the rocky shore. The sky was dark, clouded, only a few pinpricks of light breaking through the cover. Riku looked out over the deafening waves and breathed in the harsh sea air. A storm was coming. The play island was quiet, the visitors from other world all retiring to their temporary homes for the night. It had been a bittersweet few weeks, friends old and new uniting to celebrate the defeat of Xehanort and reveling in the new age of light and prosperity. Even Kairi had come back to them, through _his_ selflessness.

            There was an undercurrent of sadness, a melancholy to these celebrations that grew with each passing day that _he_ was gone. It wasn’t something to be discussed out loud, for that only led to arguments and ill feelings. Riku struggled the most. His light, his most important person, the _one_ thing that really mattered, gone. Mickey had tried to assure him, as had Kairi, but sometimes believing _he’ll_ come back and feeling it in his heart just doesn’t cut it. Maybe because it was hard to feel anything in his heart right now.

            It didn’t matter that _he_ had chosen Kairi. That was always going to happen, Riku had known that since childhood. What mattered was that Riku’s light was gone, lost to an abyss that not even _his_ bright light could penetrate. It made Riku fearful, more scared than he had ever been, not even facing down Xehanort could compare. How would he resist the darkness now, in the absence of his light? Kairi tried to help, she really did. Their relationship had changed though, evolved into something more distant since their childhood. Her assurances and platitudes felt insincere, empty, said out of a need to keep hope alive rather than a genuine belief that _he_ would come home.

            His heart ached, ached with a pain that had no name. Having the other saviours of the light around didn’t help in the ways Riku had hoped it would. The constant activity and chatter only served as a backdrop to his pain, not a distraction but an intrusion. Each glance at Roxas only a painful reminder of what was missing, and bad blood that was left in the past but never fully confronted; they never really forgave, and never really forgot. It hadn’t taken long for Riku to stop trying to forget what was missing, and for the others to slowly exclude him. Never outright, never forcefully but hushed conversations and silent looks said all that they would not. It’s not like they had any real connection with him in the first place. It was always _him_ that brought people together, _his_ heart so open the others had no choice but to gravitate towards it.

            Nighttime was the hardest. The symbol scarred into Riku’s back a constant reminder of what he was for _him_ , and how _he_ was somewhere, somehow, but out of reach. Riku could grasp at these connections inside himself all he wanted but it never brought him closer to _him_ , never brought _him_ home. Nightmares haunted Riku, no way to tell if they were _his_ or borne of Riku’s own mind. Did it matter? The pain they brought was still real, clinging to his core, an unbearable weight and reminder of his failures. Maybe he never really had the strength to protect what matters, it’s not like it made a difference in the end.

The quiet moments were far too silent, leaving Riku with only his heart and his tears. The feelings of powerlessness were far more devastating than anything any servant of Darkness could throw at him. He had to act. He had let him go, believing in _his_ conviction, but now he was gone and may never return. Nothing else mattered. He had to find _him_ , the others were safe, they would be okay; but Riku wouldn’t be. Not until _he_ was home. There were no other options. Riku was going to find _him_ , he was going to save _Sora_.  Riku faced the storm head on, and _dove_.

**Author's Note:**

> To be clear, he dove as in dive to the heart kinda dive. I love my boy Riku KingdomHearts and I don't have the heart to make him hurt himself.


End file.
